Stare and Eavesdrop

Yes, I have a staring problem! And I eavesdrop as well… not on everyone... only when I deem the conversation worthy enough to be of related interest to me. I agree it’s bad and it’s a wonder I haven’t got beaten up yet or at the least, bad mouthed (there’s a very good possibility of that having happened behind my back, though) … I can’t even boast of being adept at it…I am often caught red-handed at it… In my defense, I don’t even realize I’m doing it… it usually starts off harmless enough... Horrible shoes, a different hairstyle, tattoos, brands, clothes, kids and before you know it …I am utterly mesmerized... I find myself wondering their way of life, what dreadfulness caused them to act like that…. If they’re couples, a whole analysis starts in my mind… are they married… Are they equally matched … Are they happy… Are they arguing about something … Are they lovey dovey… No, I'm not nosey. Just overly interested. And curious.

Today was especially a good day for me. I don’t have to spend a whole lot of money to go to a discotheque or any sorta place to be entertained. Jus give me a place with enough conversations to eavesdrop on… I’ll be happy. I was at hotel Residency with a friend. My guy company today was not really enthused by this habit of mine. I was so engrossed in the next table conversation that I wouldn’t have even bothered too much if I’d been left alone at my own table. Trust me …that’s not really the best way to keep friends. Neways…There was this big guy at the next table, with his friend, who was discussing his relationship with his wife over a couple of beers. His supposedly f***ing relationship with his wife, I mite add. Why won’t the damn woman throw logic at his face? Seven hours later, I’m still wondering.

(Extract from the conversation)

Big guy: She fucking goes to the same coffee place fifty times a day. So, why the fuck does this bitch ask me what to order every time she walks in there with me…

Friend: hmmm

Me: (godd… the man calls his wife a bitch. I’m staring now… because he’s the man who just called his wife a bitch. My enemity is already formed with him. And anyway, wat’s wrong with him ordering for her...I do it all the time with my friends or whoever. I can never make up my mind what to order.)

Big guy: The thing is she isn’t dumb... she’s quite fucking capable of taking care of herself and any other motherfucker she’s with. But it’s like someone’s put it into her head that this is what a boyfriend does. He has to make up your mind for you. I hate the fucking helpless attitude.

Friend: hmmmm

Me: (my entire life is running in my mind.... have i done that with any of my friends? have i ever asked them to make up my mind for me?)

Big guy: And it doesn’t stop there…Every fucking day she calls to ask ‘where should we meet’… we don’t live in god damn New York with a hundred fucking places to choose from... There are hardly ten places to choose from in this fucking place.. so, what the fuck is the decision to be made here?

Friend: hmmm

Me: well...ya, u got a point there….

Big guy: I know and she knows that she ain’t the sound of music kinda person.. so why the fuck do I have to see that shit in my bedroom every damn nite.. I don’t see the logic in it…. I don’t see her logic in anythin’ … if she had to throw the logic at my fucking face, I’d understand.

Friend: what about the guy she’s sleeping with?

Me: (mouth open)

Big guy: well… that doesn’t piss me off. It’s all the little things that I can’t stand…that makes me want to fucking walk out on this…

Friend: so much for logic, huh?

Me: (I have made friends with big guy’s friend mentally... I want to get up and hug him now)

Big guy: u don’t fucking understand… it’s all the fucking little things that leads to that shit… and that’s fucking what I can’t deal with the bitch.

Friend: why can’t u jus put up with those?

Me: i agree with friend again...my thoughts exactly … !!!

Big guy: I don’t want a wife that I fucking have to put up with.. I put up with goddamn shit at work and every fucking thing…and this is the one fucking relationship that I will not put up with. This has to be fucking more than that. A fucking lot more. I don’t want to be in this damn fucking thing if it means I’m putting up.

Now, they both get up ready to leave and I’m left with my burger untouched. I was willing to do everything in my power to continue my conversation with them. i just had to know more...I considered the option of following them outside. But my friend ruled that out for me. Therefore, I’m home now... blogging this.

So, the next time …u see a slightly attractive stranger on the next table trying hard to look like she’s into something else… please do two things... be loud and enunciate well. ( like they say in 'friends') And yes, finish your conversation at the table. It would really help me. and keep me in peace.

Note: In the remote possibility of the two people who had this conversation coming across my blog, I apologize if I invaded your privacy. And to everyone else, I apologize on the random usage of the ‘f***ing’ word. But that’s not really my choice. That's the big guy’s fault.
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ENFP

Went out for coffee with Keerthi last evening and had a great time. It’s funny how rambling about yourself can actually make one feel better. Ya... in my case, it makes my friend feel better because her life doesn’t suck as much as mine. Nahh... Kidding... luckily, we’re both knee deep, in very different ways. As the day eventually turned out, nothing’s as bad when there’s a friend around. :)

By the way, according to Myers-Briggs and Jung, I am an ENFP –

Which means ‘Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving’

I’m all of these -

• Slightly expressed extrovert (I don’t really think so, I must not have answered some questions rite…. I’m really more of an introvert till I know the people well)
• Slightly expressed intuitive personality (not entirely right again, I’m all about my intuition! What do ya mean… slightly expressed intuitive personality? Gosh!!?!!??!)
• Distinctively expressed feeling personality (ya, I guess)
• Moderately expressed perceiving personality (probably right)

My kind of people (ENFP’s) are apparently both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another. (SO TRUE!) I’m really a big picture person... Conveniently passing on minor details to all around (all rite... that’s me!)

More summarizations of my personality type from the website – I am outgoing, fun and genuinely like people. I have a great deal of zany charm. I am also warm, affectionate, and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, my attention span in relationships can be short. (Hell.... if you ask me, my attention span in almost anything can be short…). I am easily intrigued and need to be the center of attention at all times. (Basically, I think they sum me up to have a big swollen head! That’s so not true!!!) Well… there’s a lot more in here... but because they keep talking about my supposed ego, jus’ to prove a point, I’m not going to highlight all the other good stuff they said about me… Clearly, they’re right about a lot of things, though! (Except the extrovert part of it)

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My fantasy … My dream

(

heyy...hold ur comments about the pic..i jus woke up,.... ^_^)

I woke up today. …Remembering my dream, for once… it was a fantasy…no, not that kind… eeyuck!!! get your minds out of the gutter, people :)… I wouldn’t be writing about that kind of fantasy on a blog ?!?!? and for the record, those of you who periodically question me about ‘those’ fantasies of mine… I don’t have any. I just conjure up something because you asked me. And I will, the next time too. I’m not cool enough to admit that I don’t have any. But I have a pretty decent imagination and I watch a lot of TV shows… so, I manage :)...thank god I’m creative!

Neways… coming back to what I was saying …… about my dream…I dreamed within my dream WITHIN my dream about blogging. I was reading up on blog design and stuff before going to sleep… so, i guess that's why it was on my mind…I got sneak previews into a lot of my future posts… t’was quite cool… and let me tell you this… In my dream, my blog was so much more exciting than what it is in reality…. maybe it’s an indication of what’s going to happen hereon… Now, I’m also beginning to think of this as a bad sign. Because dreaming about people and future is one thing. But dreaming about what’s going to happen so I can record it on my blog. …. . Wow, that’s something else. That’s an obsession.

And I am thankful for my fast becoming obsession! :)
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Catching up more with my solo stuff...

I pulled out a lot of my old music collections today...managed
to listen to some of my favorite old tunes and sing along (tone deaf, of course)there's something about singing along, especially on a drive that gives me such a big HIGH. first, it's MY car.. and i love just being behind the wheel.(and as those of you who read my blog regularly know - driving skills is really not my thing- refer to one of the first few entries- 3rd entry, i think)...aside from the adrenaline rush that the drive itself has for me,i absolutely love being able to turn up the music and
sing as loud as i want.. again, "sing" maybe a questionable term to use.. but aneways..u get the idea..

no such luck today, though.. i hurt my shoulder a couple of days back and it hurts real bad ..so, i'm laying off the driving bit for a little while... i did manage to turn up the volume on my head phone..i still have some of the tunes playing in my head.. right now it's '(i've had) the time of my life - (dirty dancing)'

my time off my job, no money, a lot of time by myself have all
made me very 'neurotic' over the past few days..believe it or not.. i've been doing to-do lists(yes, i'm still talkin about me!),life plans, charting out "me" behavior, thinkin of a certain someone way too much, fighting my gut feelings becoz i dont know if this is how i would react if i was my normal 14 hour@work self..maybe it's jus the free time making me think all these things...... and to top it all off, the endurance factor is jus not kicking into me. actually, that's not the icing.. i've also been experiencing intense feelings and emotions ..some so intense that i never thought it possible.. i mean i really don't lead as interesting a life for me to be goin thru this stuff..(i like to think that this is out of choice and circumstances, though) like i was telling a friend the other day, i can feel that i'm going through a very important transitional phase in my life right now..i jus don't know yet what it's going to be.

meanwhile, what i really need is a desperate night-out, my friends and mass quantities of something that would keep me going and a dance floor. wat say? (those of my friends in town,pls feel free to make satday nite plans with me)

And one more thing.. a message to two of my friends who have been getting worried about the tone of my blog postings these last few days.. who have taken it upon themselves that it's their fault that i'm into so much of solo dwelling these days..and felt it very important to let me know that they love me very much and are always there for me..well,, thanks very much. i appreciate that so much and yes, it is your fault! :) Luv u guys :)
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Doing my thing...

I landed myself a new job today after my short break (really short break actually). And it’s not making me jump in joy. It does sound like a fair plan for the time being, though. Looking forward to it…

Changing jobs is also changing a way of life…the people who you see everyday... the friends you hang out with…everything changes…so, when I’m doing this, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking back …I realize I’ve been happy (for the most part), and a part of me is horrified at what I’ve been doing…

So, that’s why I’ve been doing a lot of solo-dwelling these last few weeks…and some are fears in me that I’m recognizing … some are stuff that I know I really want to do for myself soon, some things later, some for others… and figuring out how to make the life I’ve imagined… and doing the things I want to, and doing the things I couldn’t.

For today, I start by penning some really basic to-dos on a large basis…some are also probably more of a wish-list kinds.... I want to get more specific in the days to come…

• I want to create a life plan…I know I probably won’t follow it, but it definitely
  would be nice to have one…
• I want to be the best version of myself... I want to exude confidence at all times.
• I want to be utilized well at my job... I’m not ready to give up my job for some things that I really want to do… but I want to start working towards a definite plan on that. Meanwhile, I want to be paid well, acquire some good skills and excel at work.
• I want to live by myself. Fending for oneself (for everything!!!) can be a big eye opener.
• I want to be somebody’s. Right now, I am nobody’s.
• I want to understand that soul mate might not mean life mate, but not be stupid enough to give up on the possibility.
• a little digression here...i also want certain people to act/ reciprocate exactly the way i want them to...i want certain people to automatically understand my feelings, without my having to tell them ..i want certain people to not hurt me.. and i wish for the endurance that certain people expect out of me.
  
• I want to recognize that I’m a strong individual and not let feelings of insecurities or self doubt creep into me.... either because of pressure from others or pressure from within.
• I want to be able to not care what other people think.. and mean it.
  
• I want to pursue my higher education soon.
• I want to be more free spirited and not worry of the results of what I do (i.e. not worry too much … a little worry is still good)
• Keep creating
• Meet more people
• Dance
• Spend time with my family
• I want to travel..maybe even alone...
  
• I really value some of my friends…I want to be spending more time with them, connect more …and I want to make sure they’re all accessible to me when I need them! (Seriously, all my friends have been journeying far away from here…what is with y’all…?)

More later…

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I'm tipsy...

I had a good time with a girl friend of mine this evenin'.. fine wine and dining, and a quick dip at the beach.. What more could we ask for… Do you want to know what we toasted to tonight? We clanked our filled glasses to ourselves… Better lives, mostly… We took a quick trip down our lives. T’was good fun!

Hmmm.. Am actually doing up a different post now ..will put this up soon once i'm done... lately my mind’s been filled with all kinds of emotions…so, expect some crazy stuff soon... I’m a tad tipsy now and my bed, pj’s and my Sex and the City cd’s are calling my name. Later then… ‘nite.
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Happy Birthday to Me!

I'm not a huge 'birthDAY' fan but I do usually enjoy the perks that come along with the day. I luv the way how everyone around automatically assumes that the bday gal deserves it :) This birthday, for me, was a pretty quiet day.My spirit has been kinda tousled for the last few days. I'm in the occasional woe-is-me phase. Maybe that's the reason I chose to spend most of the day by myself today. I did have a good time.... turns out that I apparently, am pretty good company for myself! This was my horoscope for today - 'Today's energy is a delicate balance between war and peace'.' I guess I chose to keep the peace. The horoscope also read that I will see a lot of love and money in the coming year. I have my fingers crossed.


Many thanks to all my friends and family for wishing me and all the wonderful gifts! Specially to Carol... for my perfect birthday present! And those of you who did not remember the day.... nahh..I won't make you feel bad ...i.e. if you promise to make up for it in kind later
(hint, hint...) :)

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tuesday, april 18, 2006


For no reason, I cried today..by myself, of course.. I have rigorously trained myself to do this by myself...I've become quite adept at this and at shielding my heart, thus protecting it. But occasionally, some things happen that hurt so bad. I know I will feel absolutely restored soon but now I feel vulnerable. And susceptible to all my emotions.
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I had a bad day... Now I'm cleaning my closet

Seriously, I'm beyond bad luck. I swear, I try with all my might to be responsible but for some reason I always seem to fall short. I'm constantly losing pretty much anything and things that I classify as valuable, irreplacable and important . Yesterday, it was my wallet.

And it's not jus' that... it looks like i'm jinxed for the most part. We won't get into more of the bad stuff, though. Let's jus say there have been only two themes of most events in the last few days - bad and worse. Ever since, I got my missing phone back (that was the previous post!), my luck seems to have run out.

So, I'm sticking it out in my room this weekend. 'Neways...I have some thinking to do. I eventually ended up successfully cleaning my closet today. I went with my head today- mercilessly got rid of everything I would not wear, everything that I had grown out of; Ordinarily, in a more happy state of mind, I would have gone with my heart on all the clothes and jus kept everything becoz they all had so many memories for me. So, today I made my first closet rule- To always clean when I feel like THIS! At the least, I wind up with less junk. Of course, I know I'll regret this when I feel better... We'll see.

Till later then.
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Kindness of Strangers

I got my phone back!

Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t think my phone would find its way back to me through the hands of a kind stranger. It had happened before. But I figured my good luck had to run out at some point of time. An incredibly honest stranger had picked up my phone from the shop counter I had apparently walked away from. He called me this evening, gave his house directions and asked me to come and pick it up at any time. I was nicely surprised. I’m so happy it turned out this way. Not because it’s an expensive phone or anything, but because it’s nice to know that such acts of kindness still happen around us. I smiled all the way back home :)
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Should, Want, Need

The ‘want’ and ‘should’ part of the last post also got me thinking on the differences between ‘want’ and ‘need’ …. Some go after what they want and some go after what they need. This can be related to career and relationships.

In careers, it’s pretty simple. What I need is a paycheck; what I want is to be able to do what I enjoy doing. What I want is to be able to do something that’s really an extension of who I am. With a little time, effort and direction … I’m confident that the gap between the two is reducible to a large extent. And meanwhile, there’s always the journey to look forward to.

In a relationship, what I want is passion, excitement, ridiculousness, inconvenience. I need support, respect and someone to depend on. I need someone the kids can look up to. By past experiences, I have realized that the right combination of the two is very hard to come by. Scratch that. The perfect combination almost never happens. Though, a hopeless romantic such as I, always indulges in the eternal search.

I usually go after what I want, not what I need. And like most women, I have an attraction to guys who are mean to me; I consider men who treat me well to be boring. I have, therefore, periodically tried to rewire myself because it is obviously insane and no good could possibly come out of that attitude.

When I look around at real relationships that have survived, it’s mostly built on the need part. It is this strong foundation that stands the test of time- the foundation built on friendship and partnership. So, why did my wants differ…. It was because I could never feel anything for someone I’m not passionate about. Though I could never entirely change that part of me…I also realize I relate passion to endless nights, painful pleasure, and tingling excitement. My friend rightly pointed out passion is also contentment and coziness. So, maybe after all, my definitions are what have to be rewired. And then, I should get both what I want and what I need.
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Fighting Confusion

I found a great article on fighting confusion today. I loved the way this was described. Here goes –

‘There is no need to fight confusion. Let it be. It's a stage you must pass through on your road to creation. Fighting confusion only makes it worse - like trying to clean a dirty pond by poking at it with a stick. And, besides, even while your conscious mind is telling you you're confused, your subconscious mind is processing a mile a minute to come up with some pretty amazing solutions. In the shower. While your exercising. Driving home from work. Even in your dreams.’

Cleaning a dirty pond with a stick....paints quite a picture, huh? : )
I see this happening all the time- In my life, in my career, in every phase with myself and others doing the same. I sometimes hate that I’m so confused about many things. But I know that at the end of it all, I will be doing something that I WANT to, and not just something that I SHOULD do. And that makes not fighting confusion worth it. Like the article also said – By not trying to force clarity, you are better equipped to find it.
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Personal Development

Ahh.. Life has not been so busy lately. I am getting into the habit of one post everyday. I'm actually enjoying this. My friend Carol bought me a beautiful colored glass candlestand today... It's beautiful. I'm going to upload a picture of it next to this post soon. It has some lovely colors...I found a place for it right next to my computer :)

Aneways.. I've been reading up a lot lately. I am not an extensive reader of personal development books, articles etc but I recently discovered a great site http://www.stevepavlina.com/index.htm . I found the link on my friend's blog.
( Abhishek's blog ). Steve Palina is apparently a highly motivated individual and his site's very motivating too. A lot of his posts are inspiring and fantastic.

On a side note, Abhishek's blog is fabulous. So, if you haven't checked it out, you should...it is worth reading. Especially the personal development articles.

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60 things about me

I recently read someone's blog where this person had written 100 things about herself. And t'was really nice to read. I decided to start writing for myself. Once I started writing, I was having so much fun that I still have so much more I want to add. This is all about me-

1) I hate nicknames. I don't call others by nicknames and prefer not to be nicknamed. My name is Arthi. Rt is fine because it still sounds like my name. My first boyfriend gave me that abbreviated version of my name.
2) I want to do a LOT of things... I can never make up my mind.
3) When I was small, I wanted to be a chartered accountant, simply because my initials read- 'C. A'. This was funny because I was very mathematically inept, when small. I would recalculate a million times to check if the shopkeeper gave me the exact change. That's something I still do. Which is sad, considering my job requires me to be an analytical person!
4) During my first interview for a kindergarten school, I refused to talk. The school correspondent refused my admission because he thought I couldn’t speak. Godd... He should meet me now... Boy...Would I talk!!!?!? :)
5) Over the years, my school principal's been someone who I’ve admired the most. Once as a kid, I preserved a chocolate he gave me for a very very long time. No one could eat it finally. It melted many days later and was a mess. I cried.
6) I had my first crush on the guy with whom I used to play a game called 'memory' with. We were the school champions or something. I thought we were made for each other.
7) When I was small, I thought kissing made babies. One time, I told my mom that I made a baby because someone kissed me.
8) I had birthday parties every year when I was a kid. All the neighborhood kids used to come dressed as Spiderman, batman, superman etc. I loved all the gifts I used to get.
9) My elder brother was a karate learner. When we were small, all people who badmouthed me had to deal with my brother’s karate. (I only remember him doing the yelling part of karate, though)
10) I love my brother; He and I are the opposite- we can't relate too much to each other but he's still definitely one of those who I know I can depend on for anything.
11) When I was small, I loved the times my dad and I used to walk to the library.
12) My mom's very special to me. Despite my claims that she NEVER understands me, she still always tries to. And that means a lot.
13) I am a hopeless romantic, hopeful of finding real love someday.
14) I have found two soul mates - two people who I know I can depend on for almost anything and who believe in me.
15) I had a culture shock when I went to my first job in hyd. I would never have endured all that, if not for my roommate. We gave the others there quite a shock too. There was a particular nite when we were actually the 'like that' gals! goshh..
16) I hate rejection but I know I’ll get there eventually.
17) I can lie very proficiently. To the most part, I'm an honest person by choice.
18) I used to be jealous of people who hung out with big groups of friends. Now, I'm glad I'm not like that.
19) I only feel close and comfortable with very FEW people.
20) I definitely regret not staying in touch with some friends from before.
21) I have a huge ego. I will never tell a guy that I love him if he's not in love with me.
22) I'm mostly very independent- Drive and do things on my own. Most people I've been with therefore don't really offer to pick me up/ drop me/ run my errands etc etc. I would die for someone who would do all of those for me. I am jealous of gals who daunt on their boyfriends that way.
23) I luv artsy stuff. I go absolutely crazy in a contemporary art place - home decor, cane stuff, colored glass, dolls, colors, paintings, crockery, flowers, fish tanks .. etc etc.
24) I luv to drive. Learning to drive was one of my major achievements. I will always be thankful to my friends who had the patience to teach me to drive.
25) I am jealous of my best friend who can dance really well. I wish I could dance like her.
26) I luv to shop. I can never seem to have enough money to shop. My dream is to be able to buy without ever having to look at the price tags.
27) I love kids. I don’t like holding babies though. I'm scared I'll drop them.
28) I have my kid's names picked out. My husband has to be OKAY with them.
29) I like the way I look. I always want to lose weight. I have recently started going to the gym and hope to see some results on that.
30) I have never felt the need to explain myself to others. Only to myself. I have made enemies because of this trait of mine.
31) I never fight. There's only one person in my 24 years of life with whom I’ve probably had meaningless fights with and I don't enjoy them.
32) I only have crushes on real people. Never celebrities or anything like that. I've only had three big crushes so far.... wait, maybe four. Or is it five.... oh, watever! But seriously, only three crushes.
33) I have, at one time, been in love. I hope it will happen again.
34) I prefer older friends. I have very few friends my age. The same goes for men I like to date.
35) I have a very short attention span.
36) I luv to travel. I want to live in a lot of places.
37) I luv giving advice. Its like a magic trick that I'm very good at. I have no clue how that comes easy to me. My advice works for everyone but me.
38) I often think about my dog Jimmy. He died on my brother's fourteenth birthday.
39) I luv the sea, I luv the waves, I luv walking by the beach.
40) I want to go on a cruise for my honeymoon.
41) I am extremely clumsy. All hands, u mite say.
42) I luv food. My favorite is Chinese cuisine. But in general, I'm definitely the foody type. Chocolate’s my flavor. I luv eating at roadside places too.
43) My idea of the perfect bday present is a bunch of balloons, flowers, and one materialistic feminine gift like a pair of earrings and a drink to share.
44) I luv chai. Almost an addict. I never talk to anyone till I have my morning mug of tea. I sometimes shift preferences to coffee.
45) Other than English, I am fluent with Hindi and Tamil. I could manage a line of French if my life depended on it.
46) I have been hurt and hurt someone else. Both hurt me jus’ as bad.
47) I don’t like overly critical people.
48) I am cynical of a lot of things. Not negative- but definitely cynical.
49) I am drawn to power. I respect incredibly smart people.
50) I am restless if I don’t get what I want. Well... I’m restless otherwise too. I will do everything to get my way.
51) I don’t like failure. I will never agree I failed at something. I will do everything possible to not face failure again. I’m very competitive with myself.
52) I will keep the visible parts of my home clean and beautiful. Inside my closets, it’s a mess.
53) I have my own dream book. I can’t believe I once made fun of a friend for having his dream book.
54) I know shit happens. I don’t believe something good will come out of EVERYTHING that happens.
55) I will do some things just for the heck of it. EVERYTHING does not have to make sense.
56) I love people. They amaze and fascinate me. I believe the most attractive quality is confidence.
57) I am spontaneous and playful.
58) I like relationships that are old and familiar to me, and those that are new and exciting;
59) The most critical judge of myself is I. The relationship that I share with myself is the most significant and exhausting!
60) I totally agree with Sarah Jessica Parker...Real love has to be cant live without each other love. It has to be honest, simple, ridiculous, inconvenient and consuming.

……………….Oh god… There’s so much more I want to say! Maybe later.
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Keeping my beat

I have always found it helpful to keep my own beat, regardless of what’s going on around me. Sometimes, it becomes increasingly difficult. Especially over the last couple of months, I have found this a very difficult task.

Outside expectations, people telling me what to do, how best to do, how not to do, opinions, many different opinions, negativity, old ideas, new ideas, judgments, demand for explanations… I tend to get lost. It’s overwhelming enough to justify my inner self to me; rationalizing to the outside world can be very hard. Of course, the outside world has its ways of help… but not till I know my rhythm. Relating to myself does me a lot of good; it lets me be in synch with myself. And when i'm in synch with myself, it's much more easier to keep going on my path.

The magic starts to happen only when I’m in groove with myself. Keeping my own beat definitely helps… Eventually, the rhythm is bound to set in. Both internal and external.
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