Should, Want, Need

The ‘want’ and ‘should’ part of the last post also got me thinking on the differences between ‘want’ and ‘need’ …. Some go after what they want and some go after what they need. This can be related to career and relationships.

In careers, it’s pretty simple. What I need is a paycheck; what I want is to be able to do what I enjoy doing. What I want is to be able to do something that’s really an extension of who I am. With a little time, effort and direction … I’m confident that the gap between the two is reducible to a large extent. And meanwhile, there’s always the journey to look forward to.

In a relationship, what I want is passion, excitement, ridiculousness, inconvenience. I need support, respect and someone to depend on. I need someone the kids can look up to. By past experiences, I have realized that the right combination of the two is very hard to come by. Scratch that. The perfect combination almost never happens. Though, a hopeless romantic such as I, always indulges in the eternal search.

I usually go after what I want, not what I need. And like most women, I have an attraction to guys who are mean to me; I consider men who treat me well to be boring. I have, therefore, periodically tried to rewire myself because it is obviously insane and no good could possibly come out of that attitude.

When I look around at real relationships that have survived, it’s mostly built on the need part. It is this strong foundation that stands the test of time- the foundation built on friendship and partnership. So, why did my wants differ…. It was because I could never feel anything for someone I’m not passionate about. Though I could never entirely change that part of me…I also realize I relate passion to endless nights, painful pleasure, and tingling excitement. My friend rightly pointed out passion is also contentment and coziness. So, maybe after all, my definitions are what have to be rewired. And then, I should get both what I want and what I need.
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