Living and planning

It's been a very, very busy few months. But, I've hated neglecting my blog space for so long. So, that's why this post. Amongst the ones keeping me busy are my bordering on happy personal life, setting up our own house (not own, own rented house), and the thrill of getting published. I've been published eight times now (and counting). And I regularly freelance now.

Here's the thing - I feel like I'm forever waiting for a future to fall into place, not knowing that without working towards it- the present could very well be the future too. I wish I knew how to let things go and just have faith in life's current. There are so many things I want to do, but I don't have control over everything. I realize that. And I panic that time is running out- time that could be put to much better use.

But it doesn't make sense to sit back and relax when I know that getting the things I want take planning and work. I do believe in the incredible power of thought and attraction, but I also know it takes more than concentrated contemplation to manifest something. It takes effort, organization, fulfillment of goals and thinking things through. And maybe I'm completely wrong, but when I'm laying back, simply flowing and letting things happen as they may, I'm not so much playing an active role in creating the life I want for myself. Am I?

I am jealous of friends who have it all figured out. My boyfriend, for example, has it all figured out. At least to a reasonable extent. I admire this, it's great that he has goals. He's extremely driven and hardworking. I am worried about my lack of clarity in determining, and thus making happen, my own goals. Here's the other thing- there are many things I want to accomplish in my lifetime. But they're all blurry and indiscriminate. As against goals that are focused and specific, mine are ambiguous, more metaphorical. They are fuzzy and smudgy, and not dark fine-pointed lines. And, as I'm finding, when your goals aren't specific or clear, you may end up not achieving them. I'm not sure where I belong, what my career options are and what paths I should get on.