Doing my thing...

I landed myself a new job today after my short break (really short break actually). And it’s not making me jump in joy. It does sound like a fair plan for the time being, though. Looking forward to it…

Changing jobs is also changing a way of life…the people who you see everyday... the friends you hang out with…everything changes…so, when I’m doing this, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking back …I realize I’ve been happy (for the most part), and a part of me is horrified at what I’ve been doing…

So, that’s why I’ve been doing a lot of solo-dwelling these last few weeks…and some are fears in me that I’m recognizing … some are stuff that I know I really want to do for myself soon, some things later, some for others… and figuring out how to make the life I’ve imagined… and doing the things I want to, and doing the things I couldn’t.

For today, I start by penning some really basic to-dos on a large basis…some are also probably more of a wish-list kinds.... I want to get more specific in the days to come…

• I want to create a life plan…I know I probably won’t follow it, but it definitely
  would be nice to have one…
• I want to be the best version of myself... I want to exude confidence at all times.
• I want to be utilized well at my job... I’m not ready to give up my job for some things that I really want to do… but I want to start working towards a definite plan on that. Meanwhile, I want to be paid well, acquire some good skills and excel at work.
• I want to live by myself. Fending for oneself (for everything!!!) can be a big eye opener.
• I want to be somebody’s. Right now, I am nobody’s.
• I want to understand that soul mate might not mean life mate, but not be stupid enough to give up on the possibility.
• a little digression here...i also want certain people to act/ reciprocate exactly the way i want them to...i want certain people to automatically understand my feelings, without my having to tell them ..i want certain people to not hurt me.. and i wish for the endurance that certain people expect out of me.
  
• I want to recognize that I’m a strong individual and not let feelings of insecurities or self doubt creep into me.... either because of pressure from others or pressure from within.
• I want to be able to not care what other people think.. and mean it.
  
• I want to pursue my higher education soon.
• I want to be more free spirited and not worry of the results of what I do (i.e. not worry too much … a little worry is still good)
• Keep creating
• Meet more people
• Dance
• Spend time with my family
• I want to travel..maybe even alone...
  
• I really value some of my friends…I want to be spending more time with them, connect more …and I want to make sure they’re all accessible to me when I need them! (Seriously, all my friends have been journeying far away from here…what is with y’all…?)

More later…

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