Attainable

The other day, I asked myself a series of questions. Some were meant to be answered, others merely thought about. But the one I can't seem to get out of my mind, and troubles me the most, is the following:

Why do I find myself more comfortable when I know the person is unattainable? Why am I afraid to completely let go of myself to another person in all honesty?

Because I fear the fantasy will be better than reality; because I'm terrified of the loss of control that's associated with giving away my heart; because the last time my heart broke, the aching was so bad, I didn't think I'd actually survive.

I never doubted that I'd be the last of my friends to marry. Not because I don't date, or because I'm hopelessly hopeless when it comes to love, but rather, because the notion of romance woos me more than any man ever could. Simply stated, I'm desperately in love with love; I’m smitten by the idea of candy hearts, valentines, heroes and all the good stuff. Clearly, this has to change. Real love, while partly packaged in pink bows, is also wrapped in reality; and life isn't just about sunshine and roses, and now I know, neither is partnership.

But my fear still stands. If I hold onto my heart, it's protected, yet safety has never felt so menacing. I have a need to control my life. And I am very afraid I won’t know how to live my life without him if I let him enter my life.

Risky as it might be, I suppose that it’s worth loving someone... attainable and letting myself go. As much as it scares me that the real life will destroy what I have imagined it would be like, I guess I also have to open up to the idea that it could be better, And even if it does not turn out to be all roses, atleast, it’s real. And that by itself is a good start.

Star Struck

Anyone who knows me even the slightest bit understands that I'm obsessed with celebrities. Well, I do realize that they're just people - same as you and me. And I know that religiously watching E News , and reading People and Us online to follow their every move is a just a socially accepted form of stalking, but I can't help it. So call me a celebrity-trailer. At least I admit it. In fact, the amounts which I spend in fervently subscribing to trashy tabloids and picking up magazines, would total to petrol money for a month or sometimes, even rent, I guess.

It distresses me that my celebrity sightings have been so less in the last few months... So you can only imagine the joy I experienced when I was two steps behind A.R Rahman at the airport last week, and more so when two days after that, I saw Tabu at my local florist shop. Ooh -La-La.... :) Nevertheless, my favorite celebrity encounter so far, was when I found myself standing face-to-face with the one-and -only Mary Kate Olson. Of course, in all fairness - she isn't the one - and -only , not with her and Ashley usually not more than two feet apart. Aneways, hopefully there will be more sightings..... Til later then.

Happy 75 th year!

Below is what I wrote to my adorable grandpa for the so-cool magazine my family put together for his 75th bday in print and some of my co-grandkids are in the process of putting together a website, dedicated to him - something like a tribute - http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gtg663p/

Most of my family leads overwhelming, harried lives and time and again, we all just lose the motivation to keep in touch... and my grandpa, through his 75th bday, has yet again brought his all-around-the-world family so much closer and together. And today, it's running through my head that there is a chance that my future children won't get to know their incredible grandfather. And that scares me.

"Today, June 04^th, marks Raghu Thatha's 75^th year.

Yes, SEVENTY-FIFTH YEAR! And at his young age, he still leads an extremely active life, is more energetic than most people I know – some even half his age, is so full of knowledge on matters old and new, manages to keep tabs on all his children, and countless number of grandkids (I say countless because truly, there are so many I can’t count), and no matter where he goes, is always, ALWAYS the best. He and Sachu Paati together, make the simple things of life – love, faith and laughter and smiling so contagious.

There are a lot of things I’m thankful for this year, but the main and truly most important, is my grandparents. I am confident that my grandparents have angels. They must. After all that they’ve been through, the fact that they are still here, living and breathing and loving, is a miracle. I am so thankful for you both – and for all the little joys you have brought to our lives, for the smile you bring to our faces, and for being you –I toast to good times, good health and good family! I wish you both many, many more happy, HAPPY years to come. "