Nice Man ?!?

You know your dating life is bad when you are constantly hounded by your 50-year-old mom ‘s undying attempts to set you up. And you know your life has gone from bad to worse when she tries to set you up with random men found on the internet – thanks to the newest shaadi.com round the corner.

“Guess what? “ she says in that innocent, ‘ I’ve done something really nice for you’ voice, “I found you a man I think you might like!”

My initial thought is always of complete horror: is my life so pathetic that my mom feels the need to intervene? Oh dear God….

“You did what?! Mom! Why? Who is he?”

“Oh honey, he’s the nice guy whose parents seem like really nice people, and he studied at this IIT something, post grad at US something university and he lives in that-beautiful-city!”

“But Mom, this is so weird… how am I supposed to do something like that? I have to date him under the bated breath of both the families, not to mention some very-pushy-relatives? And how do you even know he’s nice? He looks like he has gray hair poking out of his ears. I think, no, I KNOW I can do better than that! ”

“Arti, do not judge. He’s really a nice guy. I talked to his parents for over an hour. You know, he’s Brahmin and your horoscopes match. AND, he studied at IIT. And he’s traveled all over the world and he has homes in this city and that-two-other cities. What a catch.”

Geek, still single, profile on Internet, traveled the world and houses in three places? “Commitment phobic wanderer with illegitimate children scattered around the globe” comes to mind way before “good catch”. But thanks mom, good to know you hold high standards for me.

Mom and I then had a bit of a tiff. That’s actually an understatement. After my mom told me that she gave him my phone number and asked him to call me that evening, I reverted into a 4-year old and proceeded to have a temper tantrum right there on the kitchen floor. I’m talking foot stamping, crying, screaming, and the works.

"Mom! Under no circumstances is it ok for you to EVER give out my number! I don't even give out my number; you could have at least had the decency to give out a fake one like I do! When he calls you will answer the phone and tell him that I am not here and not available to go out with him. Period."

And with that, I stormed into the other room and pouted like a bratty little girl for well over an hour. And when I was done pouting, I sheepishly re-entered the kitchen where I apologized for my childish behavior. And by that time, the man had been taken care of. And mom has since sworn she will never again set me up. I don’t know how long the promise will last though, I’m guessing only until she finds the next nice man.

Vacation. Need. Now.

I'm in desperate need of a vacation. Not because my life is so stressful or work is bogging me down, on the contraire, these days things are pretty non hectic. Tranquil, even. And if you know me at all, you understand my life is never tranquil. Again, not because I lead a hectic and chaotic life filled with appointments, deadlines and obligations, but because I constantly load my life myself. I'm actually not even that stressed these days. And even though two people- S. and my dad both recently gave me categorized notepads to facilitate the creation of my exhaustive to-do lists, I've resisted the urge to use them. And whenever I get the all too familiar itch to grab my pen and chore-filled paper, I instead quickly avert my attention to something else. But stress or no stress, I still need a vacation. Even after my short trip last weekend, though that was fun, didn’t quite fulfill the purpose. Right now I'm dreaming of poolside lawn chairs, oversized meals and glasses of wine. Not necessarily in that order. I want a ticket to someplace nice, but it has to be cheap. Oh yes, and I want to leave on Thursday. While I realize I'm in no place to be making diva-like demands, this is how badly I need a vacation.

See how happy I am ... This picture was taken during my last vacation.
This is exactly what I need now!

Timing

When it comes to relationships, they say timing is everything. Who “they” are, I’m not exactly sure, but --- and I say this with conviction --- throughout my short dating life, I know “them” to be right.

Timing can pretty much make or break a relationship. Timing is everything. For instance, take me in my 7^th standard; I was more-than-smitten, head over heels in love with my then-boyfriend. Laugh all you want, but I believe this to be true. I don’t remember what a relationship comprised of then. But we wont get into that. Aneways, like I was saying.. I was young, yes. But I’ve never bought into the whole “you’ve got to have life experience in order to know what love is” , crap. I believe a 13 year old heart has every capacity to feel and beat just as strongly for someone as a 31-year old heart does. The how and why these feelings are occurring isn’t readily available then and not to discount the fact that life experiences does shape us and, and allows us to learn and grow. But, infatuation and heartbreak are definitely not age discriminatory.

What if, instead at 12, I had met my 7^th grade boyfriend now? Would things have turned out differently? Unless you're my aunt and uncle or even my boss and his wife, for that matter, who met in the 8th grade and dated each other (and only each other) all the way through to marriage, meeting the man of your dreams in the 7th grade is most always going to end in heartbreak. I felt I loved him, sure, but I knew even then that it wouldn't last. I wanted it to, but I wasn't naive; I watched my older siblings date. And date. And date. And I saw them through their school and even college years, transitioning from one relationship to the next.

I also think often, about a certain someone, “ What if we only had to meet now, as opposed to when we were 18. Would things have been different? “

I remember the moments it started. I needed nothing then. Instant connection – you name it, I experienced it. Although I didn't know then the monumental role he'd been cast to play in my life, I've never been more certain upon meeting another human being that the interaction was fate. But among other factors, the timing was off. I was a kid with a life of learning and growing ahead of me. I am an altogether different person now – at least in some ways. We have grown individually. I am sure of that. But would the attraction, the passion still be there? The answer is almost impossible to recognize. We carry with us eternally, our separate past, weighing us down. Preventing us from forgetting, or moving forward, together.

Timing really is everything.

Again, Those who have played little parts in my life – I can’t help wondering how different things might have been, if the timing had been different. As a 20-something myself, who, for a long time felt finding a mate and settling down were lower on her things-to-do list than "build successful career" and "lead exciting social life", I'm now beginning to view eternal partnership as crucial. Not because I feel incapable without a mate, on the contrary, because I'm ecstatic at the idea of sharing my life with him. I wonder when this shift to “ready” happens. Is it really a true desire to settle down or is it because it fits the script and everyone else around you is doing it? The same guy friends of mine, who, just a few years ago wouldn't have dreamed of giving up their party nights for a girl, are now spending their coveted weekends dining with dates and taking their girlfriends shopping. I think it’s all really sweet, though it does turn my stomach a little sometimes, the extent to which some would go…it’s definitely interesting to notice the shift occurring; among my like-aged group of friends (the girls have certainly shifted faster than the boys). the transition is officially beginning to take place. I don’t know what causes this transition in people…I can only come to the conclusion that maybe love and relationships are all things that happen continuously in our life. What really defines the relationship finally is the timing. And so, it turns out that “they” were right.