Nice Man ?!?

You know your dating life is bad when you are constantly hounded by your 50-year-old mom ‘s undying attempts to set you up. And you know your life has gone from bad to worse when she tries to set you up with random men found on the internet – thanks to the newest shaadi.com round the corner.

“Guess what? “ she says in that innocent, ‘ I’ve done something really nice for you’ voice, “I found you a man I think you might like!”

My initial thought is always of complete horror: is my life so pathetic that my mom feels the need to intervene? Oh dear God….

“You did what?! Mom! Why? Who is he?”

“Oh honey, he’s the nice guy whose parents seem like really nice people, and he studied at this IIT something, post grad at US something university and he lives in that-beautiful-city!”

“But Mom, this is so weird… how am I supposed to do something like that? I have to date him under the bated breath of both the families, not to mention some very-pushy-relatives? And how do you even know he’s nice? He looks like he has gray hair poking out of his ears. I think, no, I KNOW I can do better than that! ”

“Arti, do not judge. He’s really a nice guy. I talked to his parents for over an hour. You know, he’s Brahmin and your horoscopes match. AND, he studied at IIT. And he’s traveled all over the world and he has homes in this city and that-two-other cities. What a catch.”

Geek, still single, profile on Internet, traveled the world and houses in three places? “Commitment phobic wanderer with illegitimate children scattered around the globe” comes to mind way before “good catch”. But thanks mom, good to know you hold high standards for me.

Mom and I then had a bit of a tiff. That’s actually an understatement. After my mom told me that she gave him my phone number and asked him to call me that evening, I reverted into a 4-year old and proceeded to have a temper tantrum right there on the kitchen floor. I’m talking foot stamping, crying, screaming, and the works.

"Mom! Under no circumstances is it ok for you to EVER give out my number! I don't even give out my number; you could have at least had the decency to give out a fake one like I do! When he calls you will answer the phone and tell him that I am not here and not available to go out with him. Period."

And with that, I stormed into the other room and pouted like a bratty little girl for well over an hour. And when I was done pouting, I sheepishly re-entered the kitchen where I apologized for my childish behavior. And by that time, the man had been taken care of. And mom has since sworn she will never again set me up. I don’t know how long the promise will last though, I’m guessing only until she finds the next nice man.