Admission

So, yes... I haven't admitted it to myself yet. But I am in a happy relationship. I have been so careful to not say anything to anyone so as to not to jinx it.. So much that my best friend even thinks I shouldn't show pictures of us to anyone so as to evade any possible bad happenings. Nevertheless, I am ready to admit this on my blog now... in the written form for starters.

This relationship is difficult for me because it's so great, and so real. This sounds crazy, I know. But this time, unlike before, every thing's on the line. And it has all the potential of a happily ever after. I think one of the main things I'm happy about is that I know I have evolved over the years, with each good or bad experience. And I know what dynamics I want to create in our relationship, what behaviors of mine I want to uphold, as well as what I never want to endure or act like,again. We all know that a relationship doesn't become an all-encompassing-love from day one.You grow into it. And where we are is a pretty good place in itself and I would like to think that the path we are working towards seems like the right one.

While this is quite amazing and I do feel more in love than I've ever been in my entire life ( I actually erased, and re-wrote that last line a few times because I'm
still terrified to admit this for fear that I'll jinx myself and have love stolen away), I don't feel constantly elated. In contrast, I'm quite emotionally tortured. More so now because I have written this. Fingers crossed.