The Rules

Here are some of the rules that I personally think all people should absolutely live by…

1· Never assume it's more than it is -- if it's past 2 a.m. and high levels of intoxication are involved, odds are it's just a hook-up and not true love.

2· Don't confuse the Two Day Rule for the Two Hour Rule; the latter is only to be used in extreme cases such as love at first sight. In all other cases, calling, texting, emailing, and/or randomly dropping by mere hours after the occurrence mentioned in Rule #1 is BAD. Bad. Bad. Bad.

3· It's not okay to use her best friend as a communique link and/or your personal consultant. Her loyalty does not belong to you. I repeat, her loyalty does not belong to you. Everything you say will be repeated verbatim to the said girl, followed by hours of disparaging "He's breaking all the rules!" discussion.

4· In one day, do not exhaust all modes of communication. If you must get in contact, you may call, once. Or you may email, once. Or you may text message, once. You may even IM, once. But do not attempt all, or any combination of the above, repeatedly in a period of 24 hours. This is called stalking. She won't like it.

5· Play it cool! Despite what you may think, ditching your poise and begging her for plans is not attractive or charming. Similarly, telling her that your schedule is permanently wide open - for her - is equally unappealing. Don't do it. Ever.

6· If she tells you she's not interested, stop contacting her. Seriously. Stop.

7· If she tells you she's not interested, do not find out where she's going to be then "magically appear" out of nowhere and exclaim, "Wow! What a coincidence, you're here too?!"

8· After all of this, it is not in your best interest to continue to call her best friend for a) information, b) plans with "you two" and c) "where are you both and can I be there, too?"

9· If you must continue to do so, text messages, phone calls and other methods of contact should be reserved for the hours before 3 a.m. Remember when she told you she's not interested? Well guess what? The clock striking midnight doesn't make her suddenly interested. The wee hours don't magically make her see you in a whole new loving light. It doesn't work that way. Early a.m. just makes her tired. And severely annoyed you woke her up.

10· Lastly, when all of this occurs in period of ONE WEEK, you need to stop, take a deep breath, and honestly reevaluate your game. If you even had any to begin with.