Steps

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
-Confucius

Okay. Fair enough. But what if you just don't know in which direction you're supposed to take that initial stride? Or worse- what if you've already gone a few steps and then realize that they aren't entirely the right ones. Can you retrace those steps and begin all over.. Is that even allowed?

Do you ever feel like you are not living at your greatest potential? Like you're not really being challenged or rather, you're no longer challenging yourself? You've grown complacent and you know you need to shake things up but you aren't entirely sure what are the elements that need shaking? How do you judge yourself ? How do you know what's right for you? How do you take those little steps to finally make a big step? You know you are sh*t scared of the person you are going to become if you stay on the road that you are in... you KNOW you don't want that.. but you also don't know for sure what is the road that you do want to be on..I can look into the future and see the woman I want to become.. but I'm not sure how to get there; how to grow into her. There are so many things I want to do, but not sure how to begin - all it takes is one step. One single step. How do I act on it?

I have to admit - Initially, it did seem all right. In fact, it did seem to fit in with the plan. But over the past few months , about a year to be exact, something terrible has happened. I've gotten comfortable and am not travelling in the path at all. Leave alone the fact that I've realised that I no longer feel like travelling in this path at all.. I'm bored with the trail and need new scenery and adventures to inspire me. I'm ready for a change. I just don't know what it is. Is it a total overhaul of career? Lifestyle? Or something more minor ?

I watch others around me accomplishing, competing, working towards and becoming. And I wonder why I am not doing the same? For a time, I truly was on fire. I was doing more than I could handle... and I did think I was capable of extraordinary things. But right at this moment, I feel like I've lost 'IT'. I'm not exactly sure what 'it' is, or where it could have gone. All I know is that 'it's' not here. And I miss 'it'.

Maybe I could begin with any of these: I want to study. I need a formal post graduate education to specialize - to give me the learning to excel and a base to build the rest of my life on. I want to travel. Maybe even spend a month abroad somewhere working, living, absorbing new cultures and meet other like-minded people. I want to write - even if it's sh*t, I just need to creatively express. I need to recharge. I want to do a whole bunch of things, just to prove to myself that I can do it.